</rant> #22

I've been ''fortunate'' enough to be able to stay home with my baby since she was born--all ten months.
I use quotey fingers because fortune is one of those concepts that is relative, that's divided, defined by shades of grass, and is certainly fickle.
Lemme spell out this ''fortune'' for you--you few who apparently exist and think it's my white privilege? my spoiled luck? my daddy's retirement? mommy's handout?

I've lived the last ten months on lock down--zero income with minimal output. All money paid in the form of child support has, in fact, gone to child support--clothing, diapers, breastfeeding expenses, formula, shelter, and medical. All whopping $250 of it. I've taken to nannying (taking to school, picking up from school, and babysitting) my nephew a few days a week so I can pay my phone bill and maybe put gas in my car. I've moved back in with my mother who a) has a house that needs constant work b) has rheumatoid arthritis as a result of her breast cancer so she literally needs a hand constantly c) she's my bestie and was on disability for the last year unable to work d) I'm basically a very loving, very grateful indentured servant e) I'm a really great cook and she needs me.
I've had to utterly re-write my existence.
I've gone from pre-baby thriving career in art, self-sustained creator to.... a new mom artist, paving her way as she goes, scraping by and saving pennies. Alone. I've set aside personal coping skills, creative skills, social skills, and physical comforts to be with this baby for the last ten months. I'm a shell of a Mallory, a skeleton of a past self, along with the upgrade of mother.
Take your ''fortunate'' and turn to your partner and thank them for:

• washing some of those breast pump parts
• washing some of those bottle parts
• washing some of those high chair parts
• washing some of those baby bullet parts
• unscrewing the tiny stupid screws on baby toys
• assessing diapers with you
• letting you nap
• letting you shower
• helping you clean
• cooking you food
• helping with the dishes
• helping with the laundry
• bringing home dinner
• bringing home a paycheck
• telling you you're doing a good job

among so so so so so many other things.

Or... take your fortunate and shove it up your snatch.

*shrug*

I would not change one damn thing.


/rant