Thick Skin in a Thin Universe

I shouldn't date.
My skin isn't thick enough yet.
Maybe it won't ever go back to being thick enough?
Maybe that's a good thing.

"There's nothing more dangerous than a woman who has rebuilt herself."

I think about those words often.
My slight wade into the dating pool as of late has me running back into myself. Seeking cover from all this unknown. I mean, are these red flags or are they just red fears of mine? I thought I was sure I had room for someone... and now I have no idea. It's scary out there. Murky. Complicated. I'm not sure I'm a strong enough re-woven tapestry to weave another person into us. When you have a little one, you just can't... you just shouldn't jump in. I used to jump in like an asshole--cannonball with water and utter disregard flying everywhere. People left wet that didn't want to be, waves crashing into delicate things.
Man, I was an asshole.

And now what? I just have to start over? Like it's middle school again and it's up to me to develop some sort of decipherable courtship dance?


I'm a lonely blog of my own failures.