Mother Still Expecting: A Procreative Outlet
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Tthe last pregnant thoughts

2/21/2018

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  • I can no longer trust a fart.
  • You can get burnt out on cookies. Do you hear me? Too many cookies DOES EXIST.
  • I feel like my own butthole is out of reach and I miss her.
  • Sometimes in the morning I lay in the winter window sun like an obese indoor cat.
  • Bedrest does not mean go to Costco.
  • Lying awake in bed during the witching hour contemplating your disdain for someone is not a healthy thing.
  • My coven of girlfriends is better than anything on the planet.
  • I never thought I’d have to think, “it’s prolly just gas” so much in my life.
  • I obtained a mild sprain rolling over in bed.
  • I shower daily for my Doctor, not myself.
  • My upper body is afraid of my lower body.
  • Watching your belly button disappear is oddly similar to watching paint dry.
  • Different parts of the body can sweat (profusely) at different times.
  • I fall in love with my close family more and more every day.
  • Activia Yogurt does not fuck around.
  • I’ve studied more for pregnancy and motherhood than I did some college classes.
  • I think I’d like to be pregnant again someday with a committed partner who really loves me.
  • I started randomly sweating while typing this.
  • Postponing the shower was hard and sad, but necessary.
  • Vaginas do not fuck around.
  • I am tired of the word mucus.
  • There are more places where the sun don’t shine on my body than previously.


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    Mallory Kate is a blogger, artist, single mom and funny girl outta Nevada.

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