Tthe last pregnant thoughts

• I can no longer trust a fart.
• You can get burnt out on cookies. Do you hear me? Too many cookies DOES EXIST.
• I feel like my own butthole is out of reach and I miss her.
• Sometimes in the morning I lay in the winter window sun like an obese indoor cat.
• Bedrest does not mean go to Costco.
• Lying awake in bed during the witching hour contemplating your disdain for someone is not a healthy thing.
• My coven of girlfriends is better than anything on the planet.
• I never thought I’d have to think, “it’s prolly just gas” so much in my life.
• I obtained a mild sprain rolling over in bed.
• I shower daily for my Doctor, not myself.
• My upper body is afraid of my lower body.
• Watching your belly button disappear is oddly similar to watching paint dry.
• Different parts of the body can sweat (profusely) at different times.
• I fall in love with my close family more and more every day.
• Activia Yogurt does not fuck around.
• I’ve studied more for pregnancy and motherhood than I did some college classes.
• I think I’d like to be pregnant again someday with a committed partner who really loves me.
• I started randomly sweating while typing this.
• Postponing the shower was hard and sad, but necessary.
• Vaginas do not fuck around.
• I am tired of the word mucus.
• There are more places where the sun don’t shine on my body than previously.